As if to back up the introduction to yesterday's post, latest transfer window highlights include Jamie O'Hara saying the word 'obviously' 27 times in a 60 second interview, Sky Sports News' Brian Swanson playing around with a new gizmo which allowed him to touch a picture of Patrick
Vieira in a delicate place and confirmation of the big one...Richard
Cresswell joining Sheffield United from Stoke on a
permanent basis.
To say it's been slow going is like saying Britain's transport system has had difficulty in standing up to a bit of snow. Either way, I've started so I'll finish...
Stoke:
Tony
Pulis might look more like a plumber than a Premier League manager, but he showed just why a book should never be judged by its cover 12 months ago with two shrewd additions in the shape of James
Beattie and Matthew
Etherington.
Pulis has been linked with adventurous bids for the likes of
Ruud van
Nistelrooy, but despite last night's victory over
Fulham, his side are just six points clear of the relegation zone. Now is not the time for Stoke to be getting ideas above their station, and a couple of additions in the
Beattie /
Etherington mould will ensure Premier League survival.
Everton:
Events across Stanley Park have ensured the spotlight hasn't burned as brightly on
Everton's failings as it might otherwise have done. Louis
Saha's form and the returns of long-term injury victims
Yakubu and James Vaughan will see
Everton score enough goals, but the defensive
stingeyness upon which last season's success was built is but a distant memory.
The Toffees conceded just 37 times last term and are already just five shy of that total with
Sylvain Distin just a couple of steps behind his old Portsmouth teammate Sol Campbell on the road to the reject bin, while Johnny
Heitinga has played more in midfield than defence due to injuries. Reinforcements at the back are a necessity.
Blackburn:
Under Mark Hughes Rovers were rather harshly dismissed as cynical
cloggers. But the side which included
Tugay, Craig Bellamy and a motivated Benni McCarthy were more than pleasing on the eye. Unsurprisingly, with Sam
Allardyce in charge, Blackburn are just plain ugly these days. In fairness to Big Sam, Bolton's success was built on the nous of fading greats like Jay-Jay
Okocha,
Youri Djorkaeff, Fernando
Hierro. Summer signings such as Steven
N'Zonzi, Lars
Jacobsen and Nikola
Kalinic hint that
Allardyce, who also bought some dross at Newcastle, may have lost his once golden touch in the transfer market. He
desperately needs to rediscover it and find a replacement for
Roque Santa Cruz if Blackburn are to survive.
Burnley:
Could Owen
Coyle's departure be something of a blessing in disguise? Though
Coyle's commitment to attacking football was highly commendable, there's only so many
pastings you can take away from home before a change of approach needs to be considered. Whether
Coyle has it in him to set a team up to win points the ugly way is a matter of conjecture. Having conceded 31 times on their travels already,
Burnley need to get streetwise, and quickly. Robbie Savage, when he's not busy
regaling us with tails of high jinx in his Daily Mirror column, is regularly demonstrating he's way past his best at Derby, but
Burnley could do with an irksome little git like him to complement their skilled technicians.
Wolves:
Lethal in the Championship, lousy in the Premier League, Sylvan
Ebanks-Blake, welcome to a club which also includes the likes of David
Nugent, Nathan Ellington and
Fraizer Campbell. After scoring a bundle in last season's promotion campaign, the former Manchester United youngster has only a scuffed penalty against Aston Villa back in October to his credit this time around. Former non-scoring strikers Carlton Cole and Bobby Zamora could at least point to providing a nuisance factor during lean times, but
Ebanks-Blake has neither the touch nor intelligence to be an effective foil for Kevin Doyle. Mick McCarthy has shown an admirable amount of faith in last season's top scorer, but it's time for change up front at
Molineux. Wolves fans must, however, be praying that Big Mick has deleted Jon Stead's number from his mobile.
Wigan:
Note to Roberto Martinez: no more players from Swansea, please. For someone who gives the impression of being forward thinking, the Spaniard has been
particularly unimaginative in the transfer market to date. His two recruits from his old club, Jason Scotland and
Jordi Gomez, have contributed nothing, while the two signings from his homeland, Mohamed Diane and Antonio
Amaya, haven't even threatened to acclimatise to life in England. Any success
Wigan have enjoyed over the past six years has been built on a British core and Martinez desperately needs to look at home, rather than abroad, for a solution to his side's worrying form. A defence which features Titus Bramble as its most consistent performer also needs bolstering.
West Ham:
There's no happy conclusion in view to the wrangle over the club's ownership, and while that saga rumbles on
Gianfranco Zola must fear his better players being cherry picked by the bigger boys. The press have already put two and two together and linked Arsenal with Carlton Cole, and it won't be long before they do the same with
Valon Behrami and Liverpool. James
Tomkins is a promising young defender, but Matthew
Upson is having to chaperon him at the moment, and the England man's form is suffering as a result. God only knows how
Julien Faubert still gets a game and a new right-back would be an added bonus for a manager who has plenty on his plate.
Bolton:
Trotters fans got what they wanted even before the window opened with the sacking of Garry 'no-mates'
Megson. Ginger and balding, you already felt a bit sorry for
Meggo before Bolton fans started laying into him for no good reason. He wasn't allowed to spend anywhere near as freely as his predecessors, although after blowing £10 million on Johan
Elmander you suspect that was part of the reason he had his hands tied. Owen
Coyle is being treated as something of a Messiah, but he has no proven record in the transfer market and with Bolton in need of fresh blood in all departments, his
imminent appointment represents a major risk. Moreover, other than possibly Chris Eagles, there's nobody whom
Coyle could bring with him from
Burnley to put bums on seats at the Reebok.
Hull:
There will plenty of neutrals hoping Hull bite the dust, if only to avoid another grotesque Phil Brown karaoke session. Hull's mini revival in November coincided with the return of Jimmy
Bullard and
immediately fizzled out when the former
Fulham midfielder hurt his less dodgy knee. Brown has a decent record at recruiting players with the, and I apologise for using the phrase, X-Factor and he needs to find another gem to boost morale. A solid replacement for the much missed Michael Turner is a
pre-requisite while the Tango Man cannot afford another mistake up front. Jan
Vennegoor of
Hesselink,
Jozy Altidore, Caleb
Folan, Craig
Fagan and Daniel Cousin were all bought by Brown, and all have flopped more pathetically than a drunk whose spent three days on the
razzle.
Portsmouth:
There are two things Pompey need to stay afloat. Anyone connected to the club whose surname starts 'Al' needs to bugger off and following that, a miracle of biblical proportions is required.