Friday 8 January 2010

Big freeze or big wheeze...

Patrick Vieira is back in the Premier League, but if this namby pamby state we live in has anything to do with it, he'll have to wait until it's deemed safe to walk the streets without a woolly scarf and a pair of thermal gloves to make his debut.

The adverse weather has wreaked havoc with this weekend's sporting schedule, and while it's harsh to expect a four-year-old novice to slide its way across frozen turf and clear the fences at Fontwell, it's more than a tad frustrating to see Premier League football clubs calling off their fixtures because of safety fears.

Had the snow and ice deemed playing surfaces too dangerous, you'd hold your hands up and say "fair play God, Saturday sale shopping with missus it is" but that's not the case at Fulham and Liverpool, nor was it the case at Arsenal in midweek - is it too much to suggest something slightly sinister is afoot?

Arsene Wenger's side were due to play the game in hand they've held over their immediate rivals since August on Wednesday, but despite the efforts of the gritters (random thought, but what does a gritter for the 50 weeks of the year when snow and ice isn't an issue?) some safety bod decided the surrounding areas were unsafe, while there were also concerns that fans relying on public transport might be letdown by London's undergound system.

Did said safety bod consider the fact that London's commuters expect nothing more than constant disappointment even in times of glorious sunshine? Probably not, and in any case, at 21.45, when roughly 60,000 fans were due to exit Emirates Stadium, Transport For London's website stated there were no delays on any of the underground lines.

In Arsenal's defence, they did everything they could to get the game on, and other than the outside possibility of Arsene Wenger preferring to play Bolton at a time when he would be able to call upon Alex Song, Cesc Fabregas and Nicklas Bendtner, there was no reason for the club to want to postpone the fixture on football grounds.

Could the same be said for Fulham and Liverpool this weekend?

The Cottagers suffered two damaging injuries during Tuesday's 3-2 defeat at Stoke with Brede Hangeland limping off and Bobby Zamora's season now in tatters following a broken collar bone. Would it be churlish to suggest that Roy Hodgson fancied an extra week off in order to find suitable replacements for his most commanding defender and most influential striker?

Certainly the fans who braved the less than arctic conditions to congregate outside Craven Cottage and offer their opinions on Sky Sports News this afternoon seemed somewhat surprised to learn that tomorrow's match against Portsmouth was off. As a side issue, you had to laugh at the bloke who'd flown round the world specifically to watch Mark Schwarzer in action.

Word of advice, if you are going to embark on a spot of globetrotting hoping to see your favourite Socceroo do anything more than shielding his eyes from low sunshine, make sure Portsmouth aren't the visitors to west London first.

If that seems odd, then what on earth are Liverpool doing postponing their match against Spurs a full 48 hours before kick-off? Has Merseyside turned into some sort of Narnia? Is it so cold and treacherous up there that fans would be forced to huddle together 'March of the Penguins' style in order to make it to Anfield safely? Highly doubtful.

Interestingly, roughly 100 miles away and Birmingham, currently on an 11 match unbeaten run and sensing an ideal opportunity to cause an upset against wobbling Manchester United, have managed to get their game on, while Wigan, whose DW Stadium is about 30 minutes down the road from Anfield, will play host to Aston Villa tomorrow.

Could it be that Liverpool, who look likely to possess a radically re-shaped squad by the end of the month, would prefer to face upwardly mobile Spurs, a direct rival for fourth place, with Maxi Rodriguez and potentially several other new faces on board?

Hiding behind fears for the safety of fans certainly provided the club with the ideal opportunity to put that idea into practise, and interestingly in this case, it was Liverpool who made the first move in seeking advice from the police.

Either way it's a pretty pathetic state of affairs when you consider that over in America, the land of the lawsuit, never has an NFL match been called off due to inclement weather, and believe me, they get plenty of that.

As Wenger said in his Friday press conference: "It is the price we pay for living in a society where everybody wants 100 per cent security."

More is the pity.

Wednesday 6 January 2010

The window is open so who needs what part 2....

As if to back up the introduction to yesterday's post, latest transfer window highlights include Jamie O'Hara saying the word 'obviously' 27 times in a 60 second interview, Sky Sports News' Brian Swanson playing around with a new gizmo which allowed him to touch a picture of Patrick Vieira in a delicate place and confirmation of the big one...Richard Cresswell joining Sheffield United from Stoke on a permanent basis.

To say it's been slow going is like saying Britain's transport system has had difficulty in standing up to a bit of snow. Either way, I've started so I'll finish...

Stoke:
Tony Pulis might look more like a plumber than a Premier League manager, but he showed just why a book should never be judged by its cover 12 months ago with two shrewd additions in the shape of James Beattie and Matthew Etherington. Pulis has been linked with adventurous bids for the likes of Ruud van Nistelrooy, but despite last night's victory over Fulham, his side are just six points clear of the relegation zone. Now is not the time for Stoke to be getting ideas above their station, and a couple of additions in the Beattie / Etherington mould will ensure Premier League survival.

Everton:
Events across Stanley Park have ensured the spotlight hasn't burned as brightly on Everton's failings as it might otherwise have done. Louis Saha's form and the returns of long-term injury victims Yakubu and James Vaughan will see Everton score enough goals, but the defensive stingeyness upon which last season's success was built is but a distant memory. The Toffees conceded just 37 times last term and are already just five shy of that total with Sylvain Distin just a couple of steps behind his old Portsmouth teammate Sol Campbell on the road to the reject bin, while Johnny Heitinga has played more in midfield than defence due to injuries. Reinforcements at the back are a necessity.

Blackburn:
Under Mark Hughes Rovers were rather harshly dismissed as cynical cloggers. But the side which included Tugay, Craig Bellamy and a motivated Benni McCarthy were more than pleasing on the eye. Unsurprisingly, with Sam Allardyce in charge, Blackburn are just plain ugly these days. In fairness to Big Sam, Bolton's success was built on the nous of fading greats like Jay-Jay Okocha, Youri Djorkaeff, Fernando Hierro. Summer signings such as Steven N'Zonzi, Lars Jacobsen and Nikola Kalinic hint that Allardyce, who also bought some dross at Newcastle, may have lost his once golden touch in the transfer market. He desperately needs to rediscover it and find a replacement for Roque Santa Cruz if Blackburn are to survive.

Burnley:
Could Owen Coyle's departure be something of a blessing in disguise? Though Coyle's commitment to attacking football was highly commendable, there's only so many pastings you can take away from home before a change of approach needs to be considered. Whether Coyle has it in him to set a team up to win points the ugly way is a matter of conjecture. Having conceded 31 times on their travels already, Burnley need to get streetwise, and quickly. Robbie Savage, when he's not busy regaling us with tails of high jinx in his Daily Mirror column, is regularly demonstrating he's way past his best at Derby, but Burnley could do with an irksome little git like him to complement their skilled technicians.

Wolves:
Lethal in the Championship, lousy in the Premier League, Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, welcome to a club which also includes the likes of David Nugent, Nathan Ellington and Fraizer Campbell. After scoring a bundle in last season's promotion campaign, the former Manchester United youngster has only a scuffed penalty against Aston Villa back in October to his credit this time around. Former non-scoring strikers Carlton Cole and Bobby Zamora could at least point to providing a nuisance factor during lean times, but Ebanks-Blake has neither the touch nor intelligence to be an effective foil for Kevin Doyle. Mick McCarthy has shown an admirable amount of faith in last season's top scorer, but it's time for change up front at Molineux. Wolves fans must, however, be praying that Big Mick has deleted Jon Stead's number from his mobile.

Wigan:
Note to Roberto Martinez: no more players from Swansea, please. For someone who gives the impression of being forward thinking, the Spaniard has been particularly unimaginative in the transfer market to date. His two recruits from his old club, Jason Scotland and Jordi Gomez, have contributed nothing, while the two signings from his homeland, Mohamed Diane and Antonio Amaya, haven't even threatened to acclimatise to life in England. Any success Wigan have enjoyed over the past six years has been built on a British core and Martinez desperately needs to look at home, rather than abroad, for a solution to his side's worrying form. A defence which features Titus Bramble as its most consistent performer also needs bolstering.

West Ham:
There's no happy conclusion in view to the wrangle over the club's ownership, and while that saga rumbles on Gianfranco Zola must fear his better players being cherry picked by the bigger boys. The press have already put two and two together and linked Arsenal with Carlton Cole, and it won't be long before they do the same with Valon Behrami and Liverpool. James Tomkins is a promising young defender, but Matthew Upson is having to chaperon him at the moment, and the England man's form is suffering as a result. God only knows how Julien Faubert still gets a game and a new right-back would be an added bonus for a manager who has plenty on his plate.

Bolton:
Trotters fans got what they wanted even before the window opened with the sacking of Garry 'no-mates' Megson. Ginger and balding, you already felt a bit sorry for Meggo before Bolton fans started laying into him for no good reason. He wasn't allowed to spend anywhere near as freely as his predecessors, although after blowing £10 million on Johan Elmander you suspect that was part of the reason he had his hands tied. Owen Coyle is being treated as something of a Messiah, but he has no proven record in the transfer market and with Bolton in need of fresh blood in all departments, his imminent appointment represents a major risk. Moreover, other than possibly Chris Eagles, there's nobody whom Coyle could bring with him from Burnley to put bums on seats at the Reebok.

Hull:
There will plenty of neutrals hoping Hull bite the dust, if only to avoid another grotesque Phil Brown karaoke session. Hull's mini revival in November coincided with the return of Jimmy Bullard and immediately fizzled out when the former Fulham midfielder hurt his less dodgy knee. Brown has a decent record at recruiting players with the, and I apologise for using the phrase, X-Factor and he needs to find another gem to boost morale. A solid replacement for the much missed Michael Turner is a pre-requisite while the Tango Man cannot afford another mistake up front. Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink, Jozy Altidore, Caleb Folan, Craig Fagan and Daniel Cousin were all bought by Brown, and all have flopped more pathetically than a drunk whose spent three days on the razzle.

Portsmouth:
There are two things Pompey need to stay afloat. Anyone connected to the club whose surname starts 'Al' needs to bugger off and following that, a miracle of biblical proportions is required.

Tuesday 5 January 2010

The window is open so who needs what part 1....

Like most innovations in football these days, the January transfer window promises much but ultimately delivers very little. Though the Georgie Thompson cleavage-ometer goes through the roof at this time of year, it's wild speculation football fans crave in order to quicken the pulse.

History tells us few significant deals are done at this time of year - for every Andrey Arshavin there are a dozen Ryan Taylors - yet that doesn't stop us religiously tuning into Sky Sports News willing that yellow bar to run across the bottom of the screen telling us our team has signed someone with an exotic name.

What we usually get, however, are umpteen shots of reporters wired up to mobile phones claiming to be in possession of a text from Charles N'Zogbia's agent proclaiming it's his client's destiny to play for Real Madrid, shortly before he's packed off to Wigan.

Even so, it's a manager's only opportunity to cover for any clangers dropped in the summer, so here's what your team needs part 1.

Chelsea:
The fixture computer has been particularly kind to Carlo Ancelotti, who shouldn't miss his band of African stars too much with January providing some cosy looking assignments. With Branislav Ivanovic improving as an attacking outlet from right-back, finding cover for Jose Bosingwa is no longer a pressing issue. A new goalkeeper is sure to be a consideration come the summer, while Ancelotti may also have to wait until after the World Cup - FIFA ban permitting - to land the fantasy signing Chelsea have been reluctant to make since the Shevchenko experiment.

Manchester United:
Sir Alex Ferguson has a pretty dodgy track record when it comes to making quick-fix defensive signings (see Laurent Blanc and William Prunier) but with Rio Ferdinand's comeback date yet to be confirmed, Nemanja Vidic doing a Jaap Stam and their backup woefully inadequate - we're looking at you Wes Brown - Sir Fergie needs to act. A midfield enforcer to complement Darren Fletcher would be a bonus, while Dimitar Berbatov's slight improvement has probably given him another five months to save his Old Trafford career.

Arsenal:
Despite their obvious flaws, Arsene Wenger's side are genuine title contenders. After a period of slight adjustment following the season ending injury suffered by Robin van Persie, the Gunners have just about muddled through in his absence, thanks largely to a kind run of fixtures. The last time Arsenal were in this position two seasons ago, Wenger refused to strengthen in January and paid the price as injuries took their toll. Their season will unravel in a similar fashion should either William Gallas or Thomas Vermaelen - neither of whom have missed a minute of league action this season - take the knock. Wenger gives the impression he's looking to Nicklas Bendtner to replace Van Persie's goals, but there is nothing in his track record, nor in Arsenal's medical history, to suggest he will fill the void or avoid a return to the treatment table before May.

Tottenham:
If you consider Harry Redknapp's main target to be Champions League qualification he already looks well equipped to break the big four's monopoly. Spurs have already, and inevitably, had to cope without their injury-prone first choice centre back pairing for a large chunk of the campaign, while Aaron Lennon, Jermain Defoe and Luka Modric have also been missing for significant periods of the season without the catastrophic results many would have predicted. Indeed, Spurs chances of finishing fourth may depend more on what their rivals do in January than any wheeler dealing Redknapp indulges in.

Manchester City:
It's unfeasible to envisage the month passing by without Roberto Mancini adding to his squad, but the early signs suggest he's likely to be pragmatic with the funds available. Experience and know-how are likely to be crucial over the run-in which would go some way to explaining City's interest in Patrick Vieira. Even the most successful recruits of the Mark Hughes reign - the likes of Gareth Barry, Shay Given and Craig Bellamy - have limited experience of successfully competing for honours, and a smattering of wise old heads who are unlikely to indulge in Robinho boat rocking antics would not go amiss.

Aston Villa:
Back-to-back defeats against Arsenal and Liverpool have handed Villa's sagely manager a timely reality check. Villa were chugging along nicely at this stage last time around before a spectacular capitulation saw them drop from third to sixth - January surgery is required if they are to avoid a similar fate. Were O'Neill able to pioneer a machine that could combine the skills of John Carew and Gabriel Agbonlahor to create a hybrid player - Johnriel Agbonlarew, perhaps - he'd have room to accommodate a link forward with the guile and imagination that neither of his two main strikers possess. The less said about Emile Heskey, the better.

Liverpool:
Where to start. It's clear a drastic overhaul of the playing staff isn't, for any number of reasons, an option this month. Assuming Rafael Benitez will be allowed to spend any money, his priority must be to find a midfield schemer, a bright spark whose first move is forward rather than sideways - someone in the mould of Everton's Steven Pienaar - and a reliable winger. Addressing those areas first up would force Benitez to gamble on Fernando Torres steering clear of injury for the rest of the season, and his hamstrings are hardly the most reliable.

Birmingham:
The surprise package of the season to date have money to play with this month, and much of what Alex McLeish has done at St Andrews suggests he'll spend it wisely. The former Rangers boss has already displayed a sound knowledge of obscure foreign markets with Ecuadorian Christian Benitez making a solid fist of his first season in English football. Two seasons ago the livewire Argentine Mauro Zarate's arrival nearly kept Brum up, and if McLeish can use Carsen Yeung's cash to recruit someone of Zarate's talismanic status, his side will continue to progress. Making Joe Hart's loan move from Manchester City a permanent one must also be a priority.

Fulham:
Don't expect Roy Hodgson to err from his successful policy of plundering unheralded Scandinavians and reviving the careers of supposed hasbeens. Fulham's European adventure, which will take in a trip to the Ukraine at the very least, means their squad will be tested to the limit and a new faces in defence, midfield and attack would be welcomed. As a priority, however, Hodgson will look to keep hold of those players who have propelled Fulham into uncharted waters. There are several sides in this league in need of a powerful centre forward, and Bobby Zamora's transformation won't have gone unnoticed by the likes of Aston Villa or Liverpool.

Sunderland:
So far so adequate for Steve Bruce. Delusions of grandeur accompanied victories over Liverpool - helped by the beach ball - and Arsenal - a fixture which followed the international break in which Robin van Persie was crocked. Darren Bent has clearly been an unqualified success, while Lorik Cana and Lee Cattermole have also proved shrewd purchases, but despite an enormous amount of transfer activity at the Stadium of Light over the past three years, there still appears to be an enormous amount of dead wood. Like Liverpool, Sunderland have been without a decent winger for years, while a new goalkeeper is an absolute must. The Black Cats were stung to the tune of £9 million for Craig Gordon and might be unwilling to head back to the SPL for Rangers' Allan McGregor, but he couldn't be any worse than Gordon or Marton Fulop.